Sherry's Blog

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2011-10-18T02:39:00.003+08:00

Maybe I shouldn't have. But you're still a douchebag.

Sometimes, I seem to recall these little memories tucked nicely at the back of my head, at the most inopportune moments. Y'know, those aforementioned tucked away memories that, when unboxed, lead to that "ah, so that's what it was" moment.

Cos there I was, minding my own business, going my own merry way... When I absentmindedly noticed the messy queue of people.

Glancing at the long line in front of the sushi joint, I correctly guessed that it was that promo again. Why would anyone want to eat at that lousy-ass sushi place anyway? And then I vaguely remembered the last time I stepped foot into that place. Oh well. Tucked that memory back. Shrugged it off.

And that was when the aroma hit me. That fresh, oven-baked scent. Butter and chocolate chips. When was the last time I had those to eat? I remember leaning against the railing, waiting. And then... You, holding out to me a little bag of that freshly baked stuff.

That was probably something you don't usually do, I suppose. So maybe, I shouldn't have. We're both adults, but one of us has the maturity of an adolescent. Yep, that's me. The other has the maturity of a 4-year-old throwing a sulking fit. Yep, that's you.

You can't blame me if you didn't do anything, and didn't plan to do anything. So, you couldn't - and didn't - blame me. Instead, you did whatever it was you did.

Granted, I suppose one part of me knew what it was. And what I was. So okay, maybe I shouldn't have.

But you're still a douchebag.

Me and my lazy ass

2011-10-09T11:57:00.003+08:00

Somehow, even with this ridiculously convenient bloggers app, I have a sneaky feeling it won't change how frequent I blog... Which is... Hardly ever. Sporadic at best.

And even if I DO blog, it will likely be some half-assed few-liners post. Or some hipster-wannabe attempt with some random (kononnya) artsy pic coupled with philosophical / emo words. Y'know, like what you see on tumblr.

Emo-ness is usually my main driver for blogging - an emo me is a blogger-happy me. So I guess the lack of blog posts is an indication of how at peace I am...

(... Or, I'm simply just a lazy ass la =p)

a beautiful mess

2011-03-15T23:29:00.005+08:00

and what a beautiful mess this is
it's like taking a guess

when the only answer is yes =)

i'd go for a ride on your big jet plane. anytime.

2011-02-16T15:46:00.006+08:00

i am but a creature of habit. familiarity gives me comfort, and i like being enveloped in it.

it's just too easy to play something i know well, one that i know the words by heart, every riff, every beat. that one moment in the song that makes me drop everything i'm doing, just to relish those few amazing seconds.

unfortunately, this whole familiarity thing, it impedes me from expanding my search for something new or undiscovered.

and also because, y'know, even when it comes to something i'm passionate about... i'm still a lazy, procrastinating fuck.

and then one day i might randomly stumble upon this song, or this artiste / band. and i feel that rush.

the rush when i discover music i absolutely love.

also. need to get external hard drive dammit. gotta store all these awesome stuff somewhere.

now excuse me while i hit replay for some auditory orgasm.

it's 2011 already

2011-01-03T00:30:00.002+08:00

forget a long list of resolutions... i've always been too much of a procrastinator to come up with new year resolutions anyway.

this year's one is short and simple.

love and respect thyself =)

tumblr-ed

2010-12-29T22:21:00.002+08:00

as it is, what with my one-liner posts and random video plugs, i might as well just use tumblr.

we'll see.

self-destruction

2010-12-29T00:34:00.001+08:00

it's a vicious cycle.

stop it.

stop me.

and here it goes again

2010-12-17T02:59:00.001+08:00

it starts with sleepless nights.

sigh.

it's all good.

pain is good

2010-12-17T02:32:00.003+08:00

it's a rite of passage.

money matters

2010-12-12T21:50:00.001+08:00

because it does.

sigh, i hate growing up.

because we're all the same

2010-12-09T02:40:00.000+08:00

i feel for you.

maybe a little premature in feeling empathetic, but i won't be surprised if it happens.

and if it happens... i feel for you.

i really do.

caught off guard

2010-12-01T23:22:00.002+08:00

i would say that in this particular aspect, things have never looked better. well, as compared to not so long ago.

in fact, i think i can safely say that i'm finally reaching that stage. i'm almost there. and i know it.

however. i also know that i'll have to admit to myself that it's never going to be a hundred percent. that's not gonna happen. not a bad thing per se, it just... is.

and because of that, i will allow myself certain emotions, every once in a very long while, and not beat myself over it.

and i did exactly that - to allow the brief pang of emotions to sweep through me. caught off guard, it happened - that moment of recognition, and the feelings that ensued. well, moments like this are bound to happen eventually anyway. and probably in the future. just... less impact as time goes by =)

i think it's time to cut myself some (more) slack. and be nicer to myself =)

oh, and to respect myself a little more too =P

(cheh, like doing new year's resolution wth -_-)

my goodness

2010-11-18T01:30:00.003+08:00

it's been years, but now i sense it coming back.

omg sherry, have you not changed at all in all these years? have you not grown up at all -_-

has experience not taught you anything?!

jangan layan! time to hit the brakes. nao nao NAO.

clouds in my coffee

2010-10-30T02:28:00.002+08:00

well it kinda feels as though i don't know myself anymore. is there such a thing as getting detached from oneself? i don't know if it's got to do with becoming a corporate rat, but it's so easy to get lost in the routine.

and you know what's even easier? it's too easy to put on a facade around most people. people you see almost everyday, but won't see beyond you. i mean, doesn't everybody put on a facade anyway? just depends how impenetrable you make it to be.

it's quiet now, with damien rice crooning away at low volume, sorta fading into the background. and i'm mildly contented at this moment, having a little free time, to layan my thoughts. something i haven't done in a long while.

(plus - work free for tonight! since i left the heavy piece of metal i.e. ancient laptop back at the office. one should always avoid working on friday nights. there's always saturday and sunday to continue work... wait. one should avoid working on weekends too -_-)

and there i go, i baru did something stupid again. but what's new, eh? many times, i'll catch myself. doing something stupid, or doing something i shouldn't do.

and then there are the things i know upfront not to do, but do it anyway.

frustration sets in when... you don't get the answers you want. or, you don't get any answers at all. the latter hurts less at first, but oh how it will hurt later on. first it drags you on. because things are not spelt out. you don't have a definite reason to do anything, or to do nothing at all.

and then there is also not getting the answers you want, and then going into denial. which is worse.

so there will be waiting. there might be expectations, or a tiny bit of hope starts growing. and when i say hope, i don't mean hope in a sun-shiney, warm and fuzzy kind of way. hope that is only there, to mask the despair and disappointment. to cover them like a blanket. unreasonable hope... hoping for something that so blatantly isn't there.

warning bells have long sounded. i started building up my defenses all but too late. i am, after all, an emotional creature. i knew i was in trouble when i started recalling snatches of moments, wittingly or unwittingly. the sounds, the colors, those smell, that taste.

i miss the place. i think, what i miss most, was the sense of freedom and just doing things on the fly. walking around an unfamiliar place, solo, without a map (uh, thank goodness the place is really small?). randomly turning into little streets, just because.

i'd like to conclude this with turning the above reminiscence into some sort of philosophical metaphor to describe life. but i won't.

i knew that when i went there, i was hoping to be able to clear my mind, to come to a conclusion. i did find answers, which ironically made things worse.

but, on a brighter note, so far things haven't crashed yet. i think. hurt, i can deal with. disappointment, i can deal with. erratic self-perception, i can deal with.

however, when bitterness starts to creep in... if bitterness starts to creep in.

that, and i know, like it or not, in denial or not, i will have to detach completely.

cos we'll all be portions for foxes

2010-10-24T04:47:00.003+08:00

if we aren't already.

of life and lemons

2010-10-05T02:59:00.000+08:00

cos when life throws lemons, it doesn't throw it one lemon at a time. the whole damn basket of lemons could be emptied right on you, full force.

and i don't particularly like lemonade.

oh man, i foresee not being able to sleep tonight. which is not good. 4th night in a row with serious lack of sleep. i'm too old for this shit -_-

shouldn't have checked my mail. ignorance is bliss. shoulda just left it for tomorrow morning. now with the huge storm cloud looming over my head... that's why la cannot sleep. that's why la i'm here, online blogging.

i... just need a break. am beaten to my knees and will be taking even more hits. i know it. they're coming. how do i even get up?

i don't know if this is good or bad. what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. we all know that.

... but what if it kills you?

aduh. i think sooner or later i will seriously need a counselor -_- sorta spot the symptoms already.

and so it is

2010-09-30T22:25:00.001+08:00

last year. what she felt was... disappointment? like a little girl anticipating a happy fairytale that was supposed to happen. her very first! ... but it didn't happen.

but the year before. she was happy. naively so, but happy nonetheless.

this year?

maybe it's good that she doesn't have to live through another similar disappointment =)

cos i'm telling you, the next one better not fail her this way =P

not melodramatic

2010-09-24T11:44:00.003+08:00

i'm not being melodramatic when i say i want to go to sleep, and never ever wake up again.

it could happen, and i know it

2010-09-03T01:21:00.003+08:00

because of my training in delft, i had to leave an internal company training about 1 and half days earlier. after about a week plus of not being in the office, finally stepped in today - and also finally got to hear all the ~~gossip~~ ~~drama~~ incidents that happened in the last 1 and half day i wasn't around!

(yeah apparently they all happened AFTER i left. ergh!)

of course getting to be in the little town of canals and cobblestones was awesome, but at the same time i was quite sad to leave the internal company training earlier than the rest. i was kinda having fun! mostly because of the fellow colleagues from other branches. they're an awesome bunch =) but i think everyone got tighter in the last 1 and half day after i left wth -_-

anyway, apparently at the end of the training, each individual was given a short testimonial... after observations from the big ones during training. omg damn creepy lor. they were observing us the whole time? O_o

so my colleagues very kindly repeated what was said about me. and er, was kinda vague cos it's been a while and memories get foggy -_- but i think it was roughly about erm how i'm learning the ropes all fast paced, but i gotta be careful and know how to slow down, else i risk burnout.

i couldn't help but laugh at that la. so bloody true lor. but here's the thing - i don't really have a choice. these stuff thrown onto my plate, i gotta take it up, no? whether i want to or not (and, ok i do kinda want to, i mean to a certain extent la), i'm facing the ever steep learning curve.

looking at my heavily pregnant boss working at it much harder than i am, it's a bit rich of me to want to slow down. especially once she pops out her baby, which is ANYTIME literally (whee, baby!), there's no room to take things slower. if anything, i'm expecting things to go crazier, what with her absence and me still at the foot of the learning curve.

i realise that work is, for me, so far so good. well, in a sense that as stressful as it may get, it's still somewhat (though occasionally, barely) manageable. my attention to other things or aspects in life however, tend to take a backseat. sometimes banished verryyyy far to the back. not a good sign.

(abrupt change of topic ahead!)

i do want to talk. to you, and to you, and to you as well. oh well, you too, i guess.

and... you, as well.

but i'll end up being/sounding defensive obvious irresponsible naive stupid foolhardy ignorant nonchalant needy cynical emotional annoyed clingy demanding superficial disinterested hurtful flighty ashamed ridiculous scornful mean destructive small uneasy vulnerable indecisive broken incapable careless hostile predictable immature belittling unperturbed weary unwilling

... geez i was kinda having fun there -_- ok ok enough, i've stopped already.

as it is, all of you are my very close friends. well, close in different ways. i don't like having to make a decision between this and between that. i don't like being told certain things, ie what to do (i'm not saying one shouldn't, this is just the juvenile defensive side getting the better of me).

i risk sounding mean, but i'm being honest here, or at the very least, trying to be as honest as i can be. at the risk of ruining our friendship, etc etc.

and yes, i did say that i do want to talk, but i'm just not ready yet. and the reasons vary for each of you.

(well ok, i think the main reason for all is that work is on the forefront for now. seems like it's been THERE for quite a long time already. sigh. such is life. hello burnout -_-).

also, i am not an egg.

... okay, that didn't really make any sense. although, one could argue that i am shaped like an egg, all rotund and... you know what, nevermind. -_-

(but since we're on the topic of eggs - why would most assume that humpty dumpty is an egg? no where in the rhyme / riddle states anything to do with an egg. humpty dumpty could be anything breakable that can't be put together again, for that matter)

[edit]: aha. not necessarily an egg.

right. sorry about the egg thing. am really going off tangent, and this is likely a result of lack of sleep, cos i haven't been able to sleep. argh. one or two more days and my body clock should be back to normal? yes? =(

alright, enough pointless ramble. i feel very weird hitting the "publish post" button (orange!). it's been a while since i've blogged more than some random sentence, or a half-assed paragraph. actually it's been a while since i've done any personal writing. oh well. kinda forgot that it could be oddly therapeutic.

think maybe it's time i privatized this thing. i'm enough of an open book already. no need to start READING out loud from my pages to random passer-byes.

back to work tomorrow

2010-09-02T02:36:00.003+08:00

and i can't sleep!

expecting ginormous avalanche of work.

this cannot be good.

updates soon!

2010-09-01T23:42:00.002+08:00

once i get off my lazy ass =P

delft

amsterdam

sigh, but pics can only say so much. they serve as a reminder, to bring up the memories.

experiencing the places, meeting the people - those are the things i take from my (very) short time there =)

snatches of moments

2010-09-01T02:42:00.010+08:00

i think... no, i know, that it's too late. and so many things have unraveled. apart from my downward spiral of emotions, i have my closest friends very angry at me. and "very angry" is but a subtle way of putting it.

off to netherlands and back. what was i hoping for? i was putting everything after netherlands, because dammit, i had so much to do. and i'm going back to work tomorrow, with MUCH MUCH MORE to do (argh don't wanna think about it).

but netherlands. it was a minor escape for me - the whole "let's talk about it when i'm back from netherlands" or "i'll think about it when i'm back from netherlands". i think i was also secretly (and desperately?) hoping that some enlightenment will come, whilst i was there. and i'll return all the wiser, having found enlightenment or made up my mind.

made up my mind? i make it sound as if there is a choice to make. when there really isn't. the answer's clear as day. either way, i shouldn't let anything go on. the worse case scenario (which is what is happening now), is going to lead to rock-bottom in terms of my emotions. i know. because i'm heading there now. free-falling, and i'm not doing anything to stop it. if anything, i'm accelerating, increasing my momentum towards the final crash.

but - i don't even want to think about it, because in a way it contributes to the accelerating effect - but if there was ever a chance, fleeting as it may be, tiny little window as it seems. if it actually happened. what then? it will end, and it will not end well.

like i said, either way - not good. but then, it's too late already. "what, already?", you may ask.

yes. unfortunately, being in netherlands further cemented that. i'm not gonna elaborate. i think it's probably cos i'm too ashamed to admit it.

this whole thing with my... emotions. i really can't stand it la. if i'm gonna do it, i gotta learn how to build a wall of defense around it. learn how to enjoy the highs and pull back when i have to ie. leave before any vulnerability sets in. it's unfortunate that in this particular case, vulnerability set in long before the high. well, it probably set in at the very beginning. the fact that i so quickly and easily... you know, i should just build a damn wall to prevent anything similar from happening ever again. not so much for this case, but in case something like this happens again.

cos this one, this time - it's just too late.

i wonder if it's worth it at all.

do you not care for me? for how i might be affected? or are these just not important to you?

... it hurts.

guilt tripped

2010-08-14T17:22:00.002+08:00

another saturday, another weekend i have to work from home (what's new, eh?)

as i walked out of the kitchen carrying my instant noodles breakfast/lunch/teatime to makan and work at the same time, si isaac ran up to me, wanting to play.

me: sorry isaac, yi yi need to work ok? yi yi play with you later.

isaac: *rambling* why yi yi why work why

me: *proceeds to walk upstairs*

isaac: *standing at foot of stairs watching me walk up* yi yi go upstairs, yi yi dowan to play with isaac!

noooooooooooooo. this is horrible. his mata besar coupled with his serious expression, it just kills me T__T

power off

2010-08-13T01:43:00.002+08:00

aiyo. i wish there was a switch so that i can shut down my mind and stop thinking just like that.

gotta stop. thinking. too. much.

... fikir yang bukan-bukan, wahaha.

it's that time again

2010-08-10T22:29:00.001+08:00

bazaars!

... and for once i don't mean fashion bazaars =P

*happy*

how does one title posts like this anyway

2010-08-08T04:31:00.005+08:00

i shouldn't be drinking coffee at this hour, lest i can't sleep later when i REALLY need to sleep. unfortunately, i suspect that coffee might make it difficult for me to fall asleep. oh, the horror!

(not to mention that i also suspect that coffee gives me the runs, but omg let us pray that this isn't soooooo. coffee is one of my favourite thing in the world!)

coffee = love
no coffee, no joy =(
maybe look for new love. alcohol?

but anyway. am sick of charting, and flipping between the excel file and the powerpoint slides. starting to get pretty jelak with this particular project. i know it, because i don't care for what the numbers are saying anymore -_- blindly charting, yo. damn cannot tahan having to pluck figures one by sickening one. takes me fucken ages to complete one single slide (chock full of said figures painstakingly plucked one by one).

so here i am, blogging. decided not to watch p0rn on office laptop yadda yadda yadda. no la, too bleary to watch anyway.

though not too bleary to suddenly remember something you said not too long ago. it was the way you said it. not so much of semantics - no, nothing as fancy as that. it was as simple as the grammar used. nothing too mind-blowing, but it made all the difference. is vs was. were vs are. that time vs. now.

and then earlier today i read something... somewhere. fine, that somewhere being facebook. facebook is a sneaky creature when it comes to info you don't wanna know. and reading the thingy on facebook, reminded me of what you said, and subsequently totally drove the nail right IN.

...

but then again, am not surprised la. have known it all along. and how do i feel about it, now that it's pretty much happening already?

well, it sucks, but what is it to me anyway. it doesn't (and shouldn't) matter anymore.

it's nice not to feel much of anything, for once.

that being said, what of this other matter at hand? how much longer can i try to avoid thinking about it (key word: try). apparently, as it turns out, emotional detachment is not quite my forte. but feigning normalcy is perhaps somewhat my forte? put them both together, and... you get a really low EQ person wth -_-

aduh, runsingggg. must not be vulnerable dammit.

[edit] ok i realised it seems like i'm very the emo in this post (and last 1 or 2 posts), so here's a funny video wth.

hahaha the ending always cracks me up!
super random and cheesy XD

you spurn my natural emotions

2010-08-06T04:09:00.001+08:00

it makes me feel like dir-ir-irt

and i'm hurt

一肚子火

2010-08-04T22:28:00.004+08:00

so much so that i just want to drive off into the night. and proceed to crash the car. wreckage. fire.

(though of course, it'll be such a waste of the car)

(there ARE cheaper ways to kill yourself, sherry -_-)

this was almost the final straw. was near breaking point, and now i'm barely a hair's breadth away.

my new baby =)

2010-07-27T23:32:00.004+08:00

plastic-y looking, like a toy camera =P

next up, i should be posting pictures taken by the camera, not of the camera.

canal and westerpop

2010-06-30T21:40:00.006+08:00

longkang besar haha kidding kidding *hasty*

i vaguely remember wikitravel mentioning something about an annual musical event during end august. westerpop! looks quite nice la. and i'll be there! *sings* should i stay or should i go (out of delft). snooped around for the lineup and stumbled upon the pretty laura jansen (she toured with joshua radin before!). Her cover of Use Somebody by Kings of Leon is the best i've heard so far. so much better than Pixie Lott's overly frilly version. so beautifully sung. i think i actually like it more than the original.

ahh emo balik listening to that song.

[edit] argh need to get decent camera asap! siapa nak teman?

and they say it gets better in time

2010-06-24T23:50:00.002+08:00

i'm looking forward to the day when i'll be able to believe it, and say those same words.

because really, they've all been there done that. and they're doing fine. so, no reason why i shouldn't be.

but then again, we never did dance, did we?

ku katakan dengan indah

2010-05-29T06:22:00.004+08:00

*blows off thick layer of dust accumulated on blog*

blame the procrastinator in me. blame the superdupercannotbebeaten bummer in me.

i'm incredibly lazy, i know. the new year 2010 post that never came to be. and the "woo-hoo i've JUST HANDED UP MY THESIS OH YEAH I'M A ROCK-STAR" post that also never came to be... overdue for slightly more than a year? yep. i did console myself that i can always bunch up the "woo-hoo i've JUST HANDED UP MY THESIS OH YEAH I'M A ROCK-STAR" post together with a post dedicated to my convocation and err uni life. with artsy shots of (mostly) my faculty yo! using my trusty Sony Ericsson 6xxx handphone camera. can't get ANYmore artsier than that.

speaking of which, why not just chuck in a few of those pics here?

artsy boh? damn artsy i know.

used to be what i see almost everyday in my uni life -
stumbling blearily up these suckers in great haste.
usually more than half an hour late for whatever class.

while studying for my final final exam. in bed.

arghhh damn nostalgic now. i want to drink kopi satu again while sitting on those mcdonald chairs.

said mcdonald chairs

the truth is, it scares me a little how fast time has passed. that i'm here, right now. another faceless person in the corporate world. faceless because am not that significant, and no, don't particularly have a drrrriiiiive to rise up in that sense.

i have been rather unhappy of late. but it comes in bursts, and i usually allow it. i give in, and i give up. i was told that i would look back, and be embarrassed and ashamed of myself. for being reduced to being all undignified, emotional and clingy. basically for being, you know, a blubbering mess.

pictured: me being a blubbering mess

yeah, nothing better like wallowing in your own sorrow. very, erm, therapeutic. i know i should've called a friend, someone, anyone for that matter, to talk to. i just didn't.

pictured: me wallowing in own sorrow.
also, = blubbering mess

as it goes, blubbering messes don't really make the best decisions. my decision for now? i'll just be "finding a replacement with my heart sedated".

whatever works for me, man.

...

... ok, i'm not really being serious, for the uninitiated. i'm obviously doing much better since i'm blogging about it. acceptance is the first step, and i've been in denial for too long. my biggest fear now is probably having denial whack me in the face again.

anyway. ice cream, anyone?

but whyyy =(

2010-03-28T00:36:00.004+08:00

it's smelly when it's damp too ='(

maybe if i bundled everything i hated

2010-01-04T19:10:00.003+08:00

into one BIG BALL, i would love that one BIG BALL?

if not, how is it possible that i'm totally hooked on a mash-up of mostly songs i hate? but even IF i had hated the mash-up, i would still admit that the remix is crazy good.

because it is!!

on a different topic... okay i know the obligatory new year post should be up by now. i'm champion procrastinator, what to do =P

(actually no la, i really want to do a post looking back at last year cos it was a pretty meaningful year to me)

my little green tortoise car

2009-12-21T20:37:00.007+08:00

said goodbye to my little green car last sunday ='(

i sat inside the driver's seat for one last time after clearing my stuff from the car.

and i took a picture too

it came to me on Christmas day, when i was 18. silly little second-hand car. daddy drove it all the way from johor. my very first car, and it's been 5 years.

poor little rundown car. radio dah rosak, window dah rosak.

it took me through form 6, my entire uni life, my first (short-lived) job, and up til recently as i settled down in my new job.

the car door kena dented during my final sem in uni. dented edi, then cannot open.
that's why door handle broke off when ~~li jian~~ people tried to buka pintu

i apologized to my car for ~~seldom~~ ~~hardly ever~~ never washing it. eh, rain = free car wash mah. *cough* my car never complained ok, is good car =D

initial d sticker given by xue =) left an imprint on the window -_-

and i sat in my car reminiscing 5 years worth of memory...
among the most vivid ones were of it breaking down / dying in the middle of the highway, the many times when i langgar it... besides langgar car (4 times) and langgar motor (once) and kena langgar (twice), my car also langgar house gate, school gate, car park pillar, etc before -_-

every year sure langgar something one -_-

needless to say, the little green car quite sad condition =(
sangat the bising, and it vibrates very violenty -_-
i probably built quite a bit of arm muscle wrestling with the steering wheel all these while... especially when doing three point turns and the likes O_o

looook! lotr sticker, also from xue

but i is still loves my leeetle green car =(
(yes i know some people call it shit green. it's not shit green! it's a nice metallic green)

see, my (ex)car so cute. and NICE METALLIC GREEN.

i felt that to end this post, this picture would be particularly fitting

goodbye, my little green tortoise car.

too cute not to post up!

2009-10-14T00:30:00.003+08:00

hello everybadi! i'm back for a quickie post - video plug!

argh i can't stop watching this video.

there's also another version - really cute too, but only almost as cute as the one above. *clicky!*

lost. not the tv series.

2009-08-23T05:16:00.001+08:00

i feel as though i've made the wrong decision.

either that, or i'm incredibly weak.

(which, okay, i admit i AM weak.)

it's been bugging me ever since... well, at least from the second week.

i don't know if i'll be making the right decision this time, cos i have to make a decision.

i hate this nagging feeling.

but i have to make a decision.

actually, come think of it... i have already made the decision. what's left is when to execute it.

the moral of the story is, to follow what your heart tells you.

especially with a brain like mine, it's pointless to follow your mind.

for some reason, i feel more lost than when i started out.

hello everybadi~

2009-08-03T22:20:00.003+08:00

the past week has certainly been eye-opening... if not crazy intensive -_- i have so much to learn, and there's so much i don't know! the learning curve is steep indeed. indeedy. indeedy do. indeedydoodydooda ok i shall stop.

anyway. it's a classic case of "the more you know, the more you realise just how much you don't know". which is good, really. and i'll be thrown in the deep end (to me it IS the deep end okayyy T_T) - but it's a good way to learn, i guess. i sound so optimistic and positive right. must keep this attitude mah -_- *waver*

on an equally bright note (if not brighter, ahem), my convo's next sunday!!! 9th august!!! prolly gonna wear baju kurung wth. argh. girls not allowed to wear slacks! new rule, apparently - only commenced last year. so now, girls can only wear dresses that reach the ANKLES wtf, or skirt labuh. which would be MAXI SKIRTS double wtf. I AM SO FRUSTRATED OVER THESE STUPID RULES ARGHHH. dammit la. right until the very last moment, at our graduation, and the uni still wants to antagonize us with these mindless rules. HONESTLY.

speaking of which, UPM kena H1N1 last week, sigh. but anyway! that's not important! what's important is my convocation ok. so come la to my convo! =D come one come allllll~ =D

YAY

2009-07-25T17:50:00.001+08:00

I'M BACK

will be MIA

2009-07-05T18:17:00.003+08:00

as in, MIA online-wise.

computer went kaput since monday. not sure when will it be up and running again, kinda depends on si brian. prolly not any time soon as he's a busy ~~boy~~ ~~man~~ boy. so no, i won't be reading/replying emails, i won't be on msn, i won't be on facebook, or twitter except the occasional tweet from my mobile.

anything, please sms or call me. calls might be missed as will be busy next couple of days, and also because i have this tendency of leaving my phone unattended -_- but if you calls are unanswered (aww. here's a pat in advance), just drop me a text.

please miss me a lot. *cough* -_-

p.s. xue and flea, read the numerous emails that i missed this past week. no time to reply now T_T but just so you know, i finally read them.

2009-06-28T02:01:00.003+08:00

too much anger boiling in me now. i know it's wrong, i know it's immature. but enough is enough.

the moment i am able to, i'll get my freedom. i don't give a shit anymore. and you know what? same treatment to them, what i got the last time. i'm not gonna bother telling them, like how they never bothered telling me. as if i'm some piece of furniture they were bringing along.

no. tell them for what.

i'll just leave.

2009-05-30T05:02:00.002+08:00

can you help me unravel my latest mistake

modest mouse and love story

2009-05-18T15:37:00.005+08:00

i've been in some sort of music exploration drought for quite some time. the (really long) list i made of bands/singers to check out have been neglected for wayy too long.

randomly clicking on a modest mouse video today left me realizing how much i miss checking out awesome music. and digging around listening to their older songs made me damn happy =D why? cos i likey their sound!

was gonna post satellite skin, video of one of their new songs. so weird that me likes it =D but decided that i like guilty cocker spaniel wayyy more! and quite a number of their other older songs too, but guilty cocker spaniel is new mah.

so here's a live version of it. so far the only version on youtube. credits to the one who filmed it... he got bruises on his chest in the process, haha damn kesian wey.

ohh, and my second obsession. jon schmidt =) his "all of me" is amazing, but the one i'm currently smitten with is love story meets viva la vida. love story sounds really nice on piano! listening to him play makes me feel like playing the piano again. but me no talent la *cough*.

i also feel like learning the cello. cis, all talk and no action. kk on with the video.

the lion and the tree

2009-05-04T16:03:00.001+08:00

a collection of (mainly very random) pics from my phone, hence the lack of quality and variety in pics =\

Malacca

we decided to do without chicken rice balls,
as they're now tiny and not as "hiong" as last time.
jue did some online searching and found this teochew place.
pretty good stuff!

random pic from the teochew place.
BOOZE... loads of them! =D

at portuguese village.
the real deal obviously looks much better.

sunset =)

eye on malaysia. more like eye on malacca.
or eye on a small portion of malacca.
nicer to look at than to be on.

Singapore

Day 1

look! ferris wheel! *jakun*
taken on the bus.

so cute! and yummy =D
some soya bean snack thingy.
the soya mocha is nice too =)

COFFEE =D =D =D

at the coffee connoisseur.
i love all the different acronyms.

blue balls anyone? buy one get one free.
at the esplanade.
my other pics turned out looking like crap.

the obligatory merlion pic.
i'll post up the one of me being a merlion when i get the pic >=)

instant mashed potatoes from 7-11 =D
for only $1 T_T
(i am not being jakun!)

Day 2

shoes! look, so happy clappy!
super *heart* the shoes i got!

tried mos burger, heh. i know, so touristy.

frozen strawberries from mos burger.
super nice wey.

slab of mocha chip ice-cream at orchard road.

WAH SAI EH, TALKING LOUDLY VERY UNCIVILIZED YOU KNOW!!

err random pic. at suntec i think.

lobster salad sushi!
loves it, except for the slight hint of wasabi =\

cinderella and her glass slippers. sooo cute.

Day 3

from daiso =) before heading back to pj.
was rushing for bus,
so didn't get to beli chocs for you guys =(

and so it is

2009-04-21T00:14:00.002+08:00

the last of my final exam, over =) had a random flashback during the exam, that the very first test i sat for in my uni life was for a subject taught by this same lecturer. vaguely remember how mad he got when us noobie first sem students back then were a little out of hand in the exam hall for our very first uni test. prompted him spit out the phrase "shame on you!" while trying to settle us down. i found the whole thing very funny, cos those words and the way he said it was damn out of place. in fact, back then i was probably catching a friend's eye and smirking at his hilarious fit of anger.

GASP WHAT IS THIS RANDOM INCRIMINATING PICTURE!!!

wahahahaha. goodness, waaaaayyyyyyyyy back during our first sem O_O

i think i'm in denial that my uni life is approaching its end. no la haven't ended yet, still got thesis to kao tim. and then...

i'll be done =)

and if the world decides to catch up with me
still little victories

finally final finals finale fish

2009-04-19T15:45:00.006+08:00

final final exam tomorrow and i'm totally not into the mood for studying. party mode kicking in too early O_O and the subject is... MOTIVATION and human achievement. yes the irony. no motivation to study about motivation. *cough*

and can't wait to get over and done with my thesis. seriously man, it makes me feel damn impatient when i think about it. ITCHING to get it off my back. all done and dusted.

come wednesday, MALACCA! and then (hopefully) SINGAPORE!!!

(yes yes i will do my thesis while on these trips! shhh don't nag me)

back to study~ *hums*

gotta meet the plane
so i can get my monkey
teach him to be cool
but a little bit funky

spot the tortoise

2009-04-12T17:20:00.002+08:00

=)

... ok now i should REALLY get a move on studying. exam on tues wed thurs and i have not touched my notes. *nervous* -_-

as you wish

2009-03-29T15:58:00.006+08:00

aha, i know this is reallllyyy late but it doesn't mean i am any less grateful =) thanks to everyone for their wishes, and to those who celebrated with me as well. special thanks for those who did some planning, you know who you are =) thankiuuu especially since i was being extra anti-social during that time (and up until now T_T).

the cake is a pie

i didn't get a nice picture of the pretty box filled with chocolates and the bear =( but er, rest assured, the bear's nicely on my bed and the chocolates all in my tummy haha no la i'm not such a glutton! *cough*

thanks guys. and girls =P

*hugs everyone*

oh and the blog title may seem a bit out of place, but it is not! i was just mucking around online the other day, being really sick... er, in the literal sense and but also sick of doing work.

and i stumbled across the princess bride! =D it's gotta be one of my favourite movies right now, it's damn nice! really! and damn funny too. title of the movie may sound like it's some mindless cliched fairytale, but the movie's really tongue in cheek.

also, it doesn't hurt that the hero's so damn cute =D

the moment he appeared, i gasped and hit the pause button =P

sorry, i have a thing for floppy haired cute guys =D

*melts* (ok yeah sorry la too busy staring at his pic to think of a caption)

"as you wish."

for most part of the movie he looked like this.
as much as i liked the floppy haired farm-boy look,
i much preferred his character becoming sarcastic and damn yeng.

anyway, the movie's bout more than 20 years old. so yeah, you know how some guys age really well and look sexier as they grow older? well, the actor i was swooning over? ... he didn't age that well -_- haih not that he's ugly la, just... nevermind, let me go back to staring at his young self. *cough*

ok as much as i like staring at him i'm not that superficial la. my favourite scene out of the movie is the fencing scene, so there.

"hello. my name is inigo montoya. you killed my father. prepare to die."

geez i'm such a geek.

when doing the right thing makes you feel stupid

2009-03-17T00:14:00.001+08:00

sometimes doing the right thing isn't exactly the smartest choice. but then again, it depends on how you look at it.

although what's obvious now is that... if i do things the way they are doing it, it sure as hell will save me a lot of time. not to mention lower my level of stress.

i was fine, initially. i finally accepted it as such, and decided to do the best i can with whatever i had. i mean, heck, that's what research is all about, right. plus it's a learning process. cheh, philosophical.

but talking to someone yesterday, i got pretty disheartened. she was gonna do this canggih thingy, which i was all for it - i mean, it's great that she has all this initiative.

and then i discovered that, she had done some changes to her data, and this produced nice results, and thus, enabled her to do the canggih thingy. now really, i memang know there are people who do stuff to their data. not like it's a real shocker or anything. but there she was, going to do this canggih thing, telling me of others who are doing/have done changes to their data. i wasn't shocked or surprised la. i just felt really disheartened there and then. there they are, with their nice results, and on the other hand, i have... nothing to show.

i'm not judging her or them, k. i'm certainly not in a position to do that. and it's really none of my business what they do. all i'm saying is that, i felt disheartened la. and kinda stupid, haih.

i'll be honest though - it's something i'm very tempted to do. really. i'm not a saint la. but i guess at the end of the day, i wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it. coward -_-

no la not cowardly la. i just feel that i'll be letting a lot of people down. plus, as much as my work sucks (it really DOES suck -_-), i still have this teensy bit of respect for it.

[edit] i do feel better now. few people have put things into perspective for me.

24

2009-03-13T04:01:00.003+08:00

even now, it's still my go to song at times like this. not for the lack of songs in my playlist, but this song always hits the right chord in me.

(but sometimes it inadvertently makes me think of how switchfoot DIDN'T PERFORM THIS SONG IN MALAYSIA kenapaaaaa T_T)

(and then i think of how SINGAPORE always gets the upper hand in awesome concerts. argh.)

ok ok digressing. i need to stop complaining cos even though JASON MRAZ came to malaysia, i didn't go. sighh.

24 on loooooop.

o hai

2009-02-27T01:13:00.004+08:00

so far things have been going pretty decently =) avalanche of assignments, plus the ever looming thesis deadline... but i should be okay, i think. what's more, i've been getting tremendous support and help from many. i am one very lucky person.

... afterthought. a lot of things i have to put on hold, or push to the back of my mind for now. not that they are any less important, but in terms of urgency, perhaps it's best that i attend to them later. i do not have the time and the emotional capacity to worry about these matters, at least not for now. just saying. lest i give the impression that i do not want to make any effort or something.

aaaaand that's all folks =)

I am...

2009-02-05T13:47:00.006+08:00

... really worried and really stressed and really scared.

... blaming myself because it is of my own doing.

... suddenly overcome by it all.

... crying and i can't stop.

... damn scared, even now, during the calm before the storm.

... hoping really hard that everything will turn out okay in the end.

sorry, weak moment. i still can't stop crying (attack of the tears wth). and it's probably lack of sleep and so many things running through my mind and i just can't stop thinking and worrying ARGH.

[edit] i just had a bit of good news! things are looking up a bit. still stressed, but no more weak moment. =)

[edit edit] sangat terharu. i have the awesomest friends ever =) to those who offered words of comfort, offered to help, already helping me, you guys are awesome la. words can't describe how grateful and blessed i feel.

elephant

2009-01-22T20:32:00.003+08:00

hello everyone~ meet the elephant that goes "quack"!

(yes, "quack". like a duck.)

said elephant

for those who don't get it, here you go:

i'm back!

2009-01-18T01:31:00.001+08:00

not so much in a physical sense, but i'm backkkk~ in two ways =D

firstly, i'm finally WELL AGAIN. yes, i am! at long last. i came down with food poisoning last monday. lasted for one and a half week. was really nasty, what with countless times of throwing up, constant feeling of nausea, fatigue cos food all thrown up and i had no appetite, watery diarrhea hehe i hope you're not reading this while eating or going to eat. but man, coming down with flu isn't as bad as experiencing food poisoning. hate the nausea and general feeling of malaise.

and also, i was eating nothing but bread and porridge the whole time! i was SO HAPPY when i finally got my appetite back on thursday! and can eat rice! and lauk. but i'm still watching what i eat now: no dairy stuff, no fried stuff, no oily stuff, etc. i'm sure you all won't find it hard to understand all the different kinds of food i'm craving to eat now! but baby steps, baby steps... chinese new year is coming... i'm gonna go on a crazy eating rampage then! HAH. oh boyyy i'm seriously craving for carbonaraaaaa... most western food actually. oh and SASHIMI oh boy oh boy i really wanna eat sashimi~!

and nah, i don't think i lost much weight although some have commented that i look as though i have. anyhoo, even if i did lose weight, i'll prolly gain them back soon.

secondly, as i was on my way to recovering but not quite there yet, i had a few panicky days about some stuff i had to do... PRONTO. sigh, my procrastinating nature might just land me in deep shit this time. how bad is it? well, it didn't really register in my mind that the procedure will take that long. like, really long. so very long that most who had to, sent in their letters as early as october last year, or maybe even earlier? bad enough that i'm some champion procrastinator, but it's made even worse by the fact that i can be the blurrest ever when it comes to certain things. like, really really blur and clueless.

how bad is it? instead of being sensible and on time by sending in my letter around october last year like most did, i realised i had yet to do so. and i'm talking bout mid january, only do i start panicking and flapping around like some harried chicken losing its head. so on top of not feeling well, i was also feeling DAMN scared and panicky... i couldn't sleep, i couldn't sit still, i couldn't do ANYthing but worry and worry and worry some more and then worry even more that i'm worrying so much that i won't get well in time and then this will make me hit a high in worrying and go into the nirvana of worrying which is the highest level of worry one can possibly achieve *cough*

well, as it goes, when it comes to this, you do what you can do. so i did just that, and finally handed in my letter by hand last thursday. i'm still keeping my fingers crossed that it won't take too long and that everything will be done in time. in time meaning at least la before i have to do my presentation and not after!!!! *mini panics* cos you see, i have one more letter to hand in but i can only do so after this one gets approved, and the second approval takes time toooo so this had all better be settled latest by end of next month please please please.

but i'm being optimistic for now and hope things will turn out ok. at least i'm not longer the wreck i was during those few days when i was all panicky and crazily worried and stressed out. i'm guessing that me being sick made me all the more panicky cos all i wanted to do was to GET WELL so i can prepare my letter ASAP. so yeah, i was a crazy stressed out wreck, so stressed that i could hardly even stand the thought of it. it was one of the least pleasant experience i had.

but like i said, i'm backkk~ meaning i'm no longer sick! and also back to being bouncy positive me. i'm so positive that i can acknowledge that the experience wasn't all bad. mum really jaga-ed me when i was sick, and in some crazy attack of stress, she was the one i cried to -_- ok i didn't really cry as in cry *tries to redeem self* i was really sick and panicky okayyyyy *cough*. and then, friends who were concerned even though they didn't know what was going on and i was too panicky to talk to them about it. and poor wen, whom i called her in a panic quite a few times regarding the letter thingy and procedures etc... cos she was in the exact same boat as i was haha. also, the few coursemates, those who did the letter last year, were really helpful and concerned when i asked them frantically about the whole thing.

(wah what is this, acceptance speech kah?)

... and brian, who's the most supportive, caring, sweet boyfriend everrr. ok la won't disgust you guys about the many details you probably do not want to hear. like how he got me some bacteria so i can get better. yah, so now i eat bacteria every morning before sarapan. mmmm~.

... and a happy new year

2009-01-01T16:19:00.004+08:00

i do realise that i haven't been blogging for quite a while. and my previous entries were hardly proper blog posts, ahah, shy. surprisingly, i didn't blog last month. december is usually my favourite month, cos there's always CHRISTMAS~ =D but nah, didn't feel the Christmas mood much this year, was too busy running around. Christmas eve wasn't that awesome as i attempted to do some last minute shopping (no i wasn't crazy, i didn't have much choice larr). so i practically spent the eve getting lost amongst the shopping crowd, waiting for the ktm and theN squishing myself in packed ktm. yeah, not exactly very... uh, Christmas-y? only felt a bit more Christmas-sy after going for midnight mass, to celebrate the "bird" of Christ. what, that was how the pastor pronounced it =P

so yeah, how was youR Christmas? mine was pretty ok =) on the day itself i spent some time with my parents, something i haven't done in quite a bit. and it was nice to spend the last few hours of Christmas with someone i wanted to spend it with... plus a little toy elephant that goes quack =)

ok i know i'm a bit late la, talking about Christmas -_- now that it's already the new year. fine, new year's eve kinda rocked too. there you go. haha and oh my gosh, i just checked facebook and... argh incriminating picturessssss -_-

new year's eve. fireworks were awesome, as we were practically standing right under them. awesome and a little scary, but very thrilling =) it was also a day of realisation wth. nah, i just know that i'll need to learn to be more attentive, more mature =) especially when something means this much to us.

on another note, i just finished the alchemist the day before. perhaps the timing is just right, especially when someone has just seriously spoken to me about it. although the book is kinda a tad too spiritual for me. however, i got the main message.

and i'll find my personal legend. i should've done it a long time ago.

oh and by the way, happy new year to all =) i suddenly miss friends that i haven't seen in a while. sigh.

OMG WTF

2008-11-29T19:12:00.003+08:00

was browsing through my old posts, when i found this post dated June 17th, 2006.

as in, THIS POST.

you know what's so shocking?? DO YOU KNOW?? about two years ago, i weighed only FORTY THREE KGS. and, AND at that time, i was at my HEAVIEST. WTF?!

means prior to that i was only about 40kgs la.

MEANS NOW I'M ABOUT 10 KGS HEAVIER ZOMG.

ok i'm gonna swear off eating. FAREWELL, GOOD PEOPLE.

light up, light up

2008-11-27T20:04:00.007+08:00

it looks like i now only post up music videos doesn't it -_- i should really make a video tag for my blog posts.

so if you read my previous post, you'd know i don't usually approve of covers. of course there are exceptions, credit should be given where it's due, and if it's a good cover then it's a good cover la. general rule of thumb, the cover should be at least as good as the original, if not better. what's the point of covering a song and coming off sounding worse, right?

anyway, leona lewis punya new single is out, it's a cover of "run" by snow patrol. the first time i heard/knew of leona lewis, was when i listened to her version of run, the one she sang live at some radio station. i didn't know who she was, and was half-expecting a sorry version of run (yeah i was all defensive mode cos it's my favourite song mah). but leona lewis did a very good job covering the song. personally, i like the live version more than the recorded one.

live at x-factor.
it's damn awesome when a singer can sing live so amazingly.
*rolls eyes the many tweensy singers out there*

official music video here. she's so pretty =)

even if you don't exactly favour powderful diva voices, you can't deny that she's an amazing singer. unfortunately most of her songs are a waste of her voice. well at least run does it justice, as it does the song. plus, leona seems so likeable =)

i like both the original and her cover, cos they're good in different ways. having said that, the original is placed so high that it's kinda impossible to top that (plus they wrote the song!). yay rondaan salji! so let's not forget about snow patrol =)

embedding disabled, so just click here. click, jangan tak click! *cough*

mediocre bubblegum pop

2008-11-02T02:49:00.004+08:00

THIS is why i seriously cannot stand most covers, and some of the music nowadays. tell me, WHY would this kind of sucky music sell? behold hilary duff's reach out. got token RAP some more, with gems of lyrics such as "cos you're a superstar, get in my supercar".

right.

wth, macam promoting her song.

i know, i know - what's it with disney girls slutty-ing up for the camera. especially when hilary duff seemed like one of the smarter ones who's really decent. but what really gets to me is how she butchered one of my favourite songs. why la why. why do some people nowadays like this kind of music, where the singer can't even sing properly. huh? tell me whyyyy~ *sorry bsb moment, cough*

fine, one listener's music is another's noise pollution.

anyway. the original song's by depeche mode - personal Jesus.

and yes there's a rather popular cover by marilyn manson. that one's decent enough. malas to embed, if you're remotely interested go cari yourself la. basically more stress on the beats. and faster beats. and slightly more growly gruff voice. oh and speaking of depeche mode covers, one pretty damn good one is lacuna coil's cover of enjoy the silence. ok yes i know this post very the self-indulgent *cough*

just sayin'

2008-10-24T02:08:00.001+08:00

won't be surprised if this is true. on my own part, i've heard so many stories myself.

politics politics. dirty dirty.

oh no, not another emo post?!

2008-10-19T02:14:00.002+08:00

no lar, sien edi wth. too old for all this angst wahaha.

random:

at some taman negara in pontian,
where i went for my 2nd homestay.
what, i like the bridge.

see? non-emo post. i'm so prouddd of myself =D

... truth is, i'm a mix of happy and emo la. but more of happy, i guess =)

hello =)

2008-10-04T13:25:00.004+08:00

i'm not particularly in the mood to blog, but i just don't like the idea of the emo post below to be front-lining my blog posts, you know? hence this is an unnecessary filler post =p

ok la i'll post an amusing pic from the sitiawan trip, just cos it makes me laugh everytime i see it!

sorry guys, it isn't so much of your positions
but the expressions on your faces =D

inevitable bit of brotherly love, i suppose.

oh, and by the way, on a totally unrelated note (sorry la i'm random like this, kan), if you haven't done so yet, do sign this online petition =) but read la before signing ok. don't buta-buta sign.

okay, end of filler post! hee.

i love the mountains, i love the clear blue sky~ =D

no title

2008-09-20T05:38:00.002+08:00

could it be that everything goes round by chance
or only one way that it was always meant to be

nothing ah, just quoting from one of my favourite songs.

maybe i'm a rockstar again!

2008-09-11T03:00:00.002+08:00

i feel it. i'm a rockstar! after getting stumped nearly the whole day and being frustratingly unproductive running into dead ends, i think i've got something. i think this should work!!!!!!!!!!!AKJDHFAKS ARGHHcanyouseehowstressediam!!!

IT HAS TO WORK! it will work! self-fulfilling prophecy wth. i am a rockstar. -_-

... and here's to hoping my supervisor thinks so too. aih. this had better work after all the effort put in. if it doesn't i will... eat my head.

and then there are people who think that what i do is rather useless/pointless/whatever, so yeah, doesn't really help much in terms of encouragement. sorry la if i'm not doing something significant or important. *frustrated*emo*

so what's a girl to do when she's extremely stressed and sleepy and brain-dead and still has ~~useless pointless~~ work to do omg.

... camwhore with baleno whale lor.

because baleno whale is CUTE =D

patung tortoise memiliki mata yang
jauh lebih besar than mine

si isaac juga mempunyai mata
yang bigger than mine

little bugger =)

it might look as though the small fart was smiling in the last pic, but he was actually about to cry -_- cos merajuk, wanna see my handphone. speaking of which, paiseh over the not so good quality of pics. not like it's a good idea to see my face in all it's minute details la ya.

right, back to work. it's really amusing that my thesis topic is academic stress, and i myself am experiencing DAMN HIGH LEVEL of academic stress now doing this thing whattheheckkk. the irony.

here's to hoping there's sufficient time, coffee, and music. and digestive biscuits, cos they're damn nice.

officially broke -_-

2008-09-06T23:09:00.001+08:00

as some of you all know already, i langgar kereta again -_- haihhhhh. why la always like this, macam annual ritual. it was a stupid accident, even more stupid than my previous two accidents, which were already very stupid to begin with.

damn bei.

anyway it happened on thursday morning as i was on my way to uni. was very minor, no one was hurt in any way -_-

so after class on that day i dropped by this workshop near my uni, to get a rough idea of the damage, as well as time and cost required for repair. this lady, presumably the workshop boss punya wife, came over as i stepped out of my car. i explained what i was there for, and popped the bonnet open for her to inspect. so here's a snippet of the conversation, originally in a mixture of cantonese and mandarin:

lady: hmm slight impact, some of the stuff pushed in slightly, bla bla bla

me: *listens*

lady: see here, pushed out of place by impact bla bla bla... EH your car langgar before many times hor!

me: er... ya, it's an old car, see...

lady: wah ya lor you see, aiyo hit before so many times...

me: yes it's erm, a second-hand car... perhaps the previous owner...

lady: aiyo must be langgar quite serious before! see, the last time they had to take out everything and then put them back!

me: *feebly* well erm...

lady: *surveying* tsk tsk, hit so many times...

me: *gives up trying to defend myself*

for some reason, my face took on a verY sheepish expression as she tsk-ed and aiyo-ed over my car.

anyway, everything's been settled, lesson learnt (hopefully!!), wallet emptied (can't say i didn't deserve it). and i should get back on my thesis - supervisor's expecting the first few chapters bright and early this coming tuesday. yes, roughly about 30 pages, of which i have done a grand total of... 1 and a half page. i am AWESOME!

and not like i actually have sufficient information currently to whack out the 30 pages... did i say i am awesome? yes! i am. totally awesome.

so DON'T PANIC. in said large, friendly letters.

DON'T PANIC

2008-09-02T23:03:00.001+08:00

preferably if those words are inscribed in large, friendly letters.

oh hello!

2008-09-01T14:53:00.001+08:00

i seem to be changing blogskins more often than blogging itself ehehe *cough*. got a little tired of the previous pinK blog (gasp, but i like pink!), hence err something more whimsical and non-pink this time. but blue skin again... for some reason most of my blogskins inevitably turn out to be blue.

currently in a very lazy phase. or maybe this isn't a phase so much as it is permanent. i need some motivation wey. it's no surprise that i score lower in the conscientiousness dimension. but i score relatively higher on the openness factor =D

speaking of which, i miss talking to certain people. have been facing a drought of intellectually stimulating discussions wth. yes you, if you're reading this. i miss talking to yoU. and leeching good music off you. nevermind that you're an arrogant bastard =)

aside from that, i'm now attempting to read a book. so far there's been quite a bit of sex mentioned, but didn't go into details la. some things are not to be taken literally all the time i suppose.

food for thought.

utter randomness:

gonna get hit by a cannonball.
i very scared.

"God will provide"

2008-08-23T19:55:00.004+08:00

not too long ago, after reading a book that particularly interested me, i've kinda took on a different perspective. i've previously had passing thoughts and opinions on certain issues, which were quite similar to some topics the book touched on. for example, why is it always about "me", or "my friends", "my family", etc. there were many occasions that gave me the impression that some are being unknowingly self-centered.

i'm talking about prayers and what some people pray for.

why suddenly pinpointing prayers? well, cos i've kinda wondered at the prayers some people make. there were times i got the impression that it was all about THEM. before i go on, here's a cute joke:

A dog says, "You pet me, you feed me, you shelter me, and you love me, you must be God."

A cat says, "You pet me, you feed me, you shelter me, and you love me, I must be god."

errr, malas to do citation wth. for a quick summary on the cat and dog theology, please click here.

now to be fair, some cats are dogs sometimes too, and it's not easy to be a dog anyway (to me la). a few incidents recently triggered me off in blogging about this. those out there, i'm curious. let me chuck you a question - what do you usually pray for?

thanking God? that He did something for you? praying for yourself? okay, so maybe you pray for other people, and other things. for your friend? for your family? for your loved ones? for your church?

and sometimes i come across requests for prayers that are rather quite inane. i'm not saying it's wrong, please don't get offended ya. i know that in my position, i'm not one to talk la.

i personally found the cat and dog theology thing a bit extreme for me, but it's probably cos i'm hardly ready for it. i'm not saying it's the absolute right way to interpret the religion - maybe it isn't, it all boils down to how you see it. but in my case it did put certain things into perspective. at least, i shook off a bit of my prior impression of the religion being partially selfish.

(and of course, i have some dissent towards certain ideas proposed by the cat and dog theology. but then again, even the authors acknowledged that some might find it extreme)

back to the prayers thing, again, i'm not saying those kind of prayers are wrong per se. it's just that, a change in perspective makes a whole lot of difference. it shifts from being self-centered to focusing on the glory of God (goodness i can't believe i'm typing this -_-).

before i come off sounding like a total hypocrite, i'll just end this... abruptly. haha.

also, a word of thanks to jue for lending me the meow and arf book.

disclaimer: btw, this post doesn't fully convey the whole cat and dog theology, nor the main message.

pork and beans

2008-08-20T12:10:00.004+08:00

ok i know i'm really late in posting this... what to do, procrastinator. but i totally love this video, and the song is awesome =D personally, i'd say it's one of weezer's best.

for those who haven't watched this yet, see if u can spot the cameos - youtube celebs, internet phenomena and other miscellaneous stuff. i don't think i got all 100% of them though, but most are pretty obvious.

there's no need to complicate

2008-08-20T00:46:00.001+08:00

it's all about PERSPECTIVE.

there's this little dilemma

2008-08-07T11:06:00.003+08:00

ok first, before i start off on my rant about my "dilemma", i gotta say this - felicia's absolutely right omg. i'm having quarter-life crisis!!!

ok end of amazing-discovery plug. -_-

now, on my dilemma. so here's the thing. i'm not too sure if i should report this issue, or do something about it. it'll affect people who don't want to be affected. i'm pretty sure most people are happy clappy with the way things are going now.

i have this thing against a particular lecturer of mine. not that all lecturers in my uni aren't good. in fact, to be honest, here's the breakdown - some lecturers are hardly passable, some are decent enough, a handful are very good. however, there are one or two lecturers that really do not deserve much respect.

the worst lecturer on my list (up until last sem) was this guy who gave really awesome tips for exams. his exams were all mcqs, and for finals, there were about 50 mcqs if i remember correctly. so when he gave us tips, i was rather, um, pleasantly surprised that he gave tips for all questions. yah, 50 tips. and really la, not like he really needed to give tips cos most of his exam questions were quite... well, "easy" would be a politer term. i rather felt that the exam insulted our intelligence. the mcqs were riddled with absurdly ridiculous answer options, i vaguely remember wanting to smash my head onto the table during the exam, due to the sheer stupidity of some of the answer choices given.

though to be fair, it's not that the lecturer couldn't teach (and not that he was axcellent at it anyway la). just that, well, i had this guy for my first sem, and mainly because of him, i got the impression that my course is damn low quality.

well, subsequent semesters weren't that bad - i came across good lecturers as well, of course. particularly during my previous semester, where i had competent lecturers who were able to deliver.

and then there is this amazing lecturer this semester -_-

he's not stupid, really. in fact, he gives me the impression that he knows stuff. the first class of his that i attended, he remarked that he graded students according to his "mood". if he's in a good mood for that semester, more students will get A. unfortunately, he's ~~pms-ing~~ not in a good mood this semester, hence less people will score an A.

i couldn't help but raise my eyebrows at his words. but oh well, there are lecturers like these, nothing new, i'll let it slide.

so this lecturer mentioned before that experience is more important than academics, or something to that effect. i suppose exams aren't important to him. so what does he do? since exams are wayyy to hyped up and emphasised, maybe that's why he decided we don't need to do our first test. but i have a feeling ISO makes it wajib that we students have first tests for every subject. so how now lembu perang?

he decides that we'll get our "test scores" by lucky draw.

and the students agreed anyway, cos it's a win-win situation! no need to study and take first test, less hassle, more time for other subjects. and lowest score you'll get from the lucky draw is 16, with full marks being 20. so hey, why not? and this lecturer's been doing it previous semesters anyway.

... but honestly, lucky draw? how can one not be incredulous?

and, well that has got me wondering if i am gonna report this. but i'm sure many students won't exactly be jumping for joy if we now have to sit for a test, should the authorities decide to amend this matter.

(but we're STUDENTS and we're not here in uni to do stuff like LUCKY DRAW your exam marks RIGHT. OMG WTF LA DAMN STUPID.)

also, the lecturer has a... pretty creative mind. who knows what he might do to spite the students, if i do report him. i think some, if not many students here value their A's in different ways than i do.

... or am i being too uptight about this whole thing? am i some sort of conformist? but really, if he decided to grade us based on other stuff rather than exams, e.g. a debate or something constructive, i wouldn't have minded. in fact, that would work better for some subjects, rather than exams.

and i'll stop here, abruptly, as i'm feeling hungry and my friends are waiting for me.

kthxbai.

not emo anymore

2008-08-06T11:14:00.002+08:00

i was contemplating taking down the post below *points down* after talking to jing. yeah, that one. yes la the EMO post. -_- but i figured, i shall just let it fester there. i know i can be silly at times, even though there isn't a reason to be. so i won't be doing anything. in all aspects regarding the whole issue. *cough*

other than that, my recent absence (online-wise)- pc's at my cousin's place cos it needs fixing. i know you guys miss me. don't shy, no need to deny =)

ok malas to blog edi. feels weird blogging on faculty computer.

i know i'm being silly

2008-08-01T04:58:00.001+08:00

it's hard on me when i compare myself with someone so way above my league in practically every aspect. why do so? human nature kah. the drive to be better one, the awesome-r one.

and you know what's even harder on me? comparing myself with more than one. i sometimes just don't understand myself. would things be the way it was if it wasn't for certain turn of events.

if standards weren't set so high, maybe i wouldn't feel this bad.

they're gone~

2008-07-27T19:38:00.009+08:00

baby isaac and famileh just drove off to finally move in and settle down in their new home. so now, i have my big room back (originally exchanged room with sis from when she was pregnant as my room is bigger). and i'll have the bathroom all to myself~ tapi toilet cleaning responsibilities shall now solely lie on my shoulders wth. aih.

isaac's such a handsome little boy now =)

house looks quite empty la. didn't realise isaac's stuff filled up the house so much. his toys la, his diapers la, his little bed la, his clothes la.

love it when he smiles damn happily

and my big room now is all emptied - i'll have to do some mini moving myself. looking forward to pimping my room yeahhhhh *cough* no la just kidding. i don't think my dad will let me draw some hot manga characters on my room walls.

(but the walls are so... plain. and WHITE. nice blank canvas!)

oh well, at least i could hang up my daniel lee poster again. isaac's dad took it down initially cos he didn't want isaac to wake up staring at daniel lee -_-" apparently some people find daniel lee very sissy. HAIH.

daddy frog hoping isaac will grow up to be as "manly" and "macho" as him

the house is gonna be a lot more quiet - devoid of isaac's crazily HIGH pitch screaming. which isn't really a bad thing cos mum and dad will get some well-deserved rest. eh, damn tiring running after isaac okayyy. don't play play!

i'm not kidding when i say his screams are HIGH pitch.
a bit higher, can shatter glass edi.

and isaac damn garang wan, if he doesn't get his way he will shout and scream. macam scolding you. haih so young so aggressive edi. but we always sayang him in the end cos he's just too cute.

manja boy

i'm not being biased la, he's really cute, antics and all. can't wait for him to start talking though =) he's still babbling... A LOT.

yah he's cuter than this cute piggy cake he got for his first birthday.

... i'm starting to miss isaac already. see la, dah mula ber-emo =(

taken on the very day he was born, with my crappy nokia 6020 camera, no less.
still, it remains one of my favourite picture of isaac =)

long overdue

2008-06-26T14:48:00.002+08:00

yes, i think i promised felicia a very long time ago that i will do this meme.

Instructions: Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

Question Removed: 20. If one day you couldn't do the things that you are used to doing now anymore, how would you feel?

1. At what age do you wish to marry?
hmm? before all my eggs are exhausted. what, marriage is legalised sex anyway.

2. Where will you go if someone sponsors you a tour ticket?
europe. or just uk to check out the music scene.

3. What's your favorite thing to do?
talk.

4. Do you think money can buy happiness?
for most people, yes.

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
bigger boobs, smaller ass.

6. Do you believe you can survive without money?
what the. of course not la. please be realistic.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most?
loved ones.

8. What is your current mood?
reluctant.

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
depends. takkan i confess to a man who's happily married with two kids right.

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you?
that'll be felicia =) competent, observant, hardworking.

11. What are the requirements that you wish from the other half?
eh requirements? erm, must love me? hahahaha.

12. What type of person do you hate the most?
stupid people. encompasses many types of people, come think of it.

13. What is your ambition?
pole dancer.

14. If you can teleport once, where would you go?
wah just once? then i can't teleport back? what is this nonsense. i will teleport to narnia to meet (movie version) prince caspian.

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
life itself. woo i'm so philosophical.

16. What is the one thing you will do when is end of the world?
quickly grab one religion so i can go to heaven whew was that a close call or what!

17. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?
my laziness, which is linked to my procrastinating nature, my tardiness, me being always late, etc.

18. What is your idea of relaxation?
having the whole day free, with a good book to read. geez i'm such a cliched nerd.

19. What will you be doing 10 years from now?
ruling the worLd.

20. Is Sherry cute?
yes.

i've completed it!

2008-06-21T23:20:00.003+08:00

as in, my very short internship stint. two more weeks before i start uni again =D

plans for next two weeks: grow lots of mushroom on my fabulous behind!

*cough*

nevermind writing report and filling up my buku log. or getting ready on a topic for my final year paper. those can wait. *waves hand airily*

haha, next semester hasn't even started and procrastinating sherry has already emerged.

currently hooked on that's not my name, and then chelsea dagger, and technical difficulties on the other hand. i should start sticking to just one genre.

oh and yeah teksi kematian untuk si comel not coming malaysia after all. they were enticed by more attractive deals in singapore. yes i know teksi kematian untuk si comel sounds ridiculous. the fact that i malay-ified dcfc's name is proof enough that i'm slightly miffed.

uh... not funny?

2008-06-11T23:50:00.005+08:00

ashley tisdale's cover of rick astley's never gonna give you up

is this some new way to rickroll people?

hate it when a song is totally ruined. bleargh.

nevermind, here's another video to take everyone's mind off that ~~horrible~~ not-so-nice voice. cute muppet bloopers. who doesn't love the muppets!

muppets so cute! =D

gyahahahahaha you've been rickrolled! ... ok i'm so juvenile. *cough*

AHAHAHAHA!

2008-06-07T18:00:00.004+08:00

sorry that was my reaction when i got wind that DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE might be coming to MALAYSIA!

i remember whining at jo ann the other day when we were talking about DCFC concert in aus. and now i'm getting news that they just might come to malaysia! awesome.

another time i whined to jo ann (yes i whine a lot) was when switchfoot toured australia... and THEN switchfoot came to malaysia earlier this year!

i should really whine more. hahaha!

(and perhaps if i had whined harder, switchfoot might have performed 24 in malaysia =( ok i'm not making any sense now.)

right, DCFC. i shall be checking HERE for more updates yay.

i'm also wondering who's the organizer? hmm will find out soon enough if dcfc confirmed coming.

for visual creatures

2008-06-05T23:00:00.009+08:00

someone has been commenting that my recent posts have all been on boys boys boys. what the... got meh?! only prince caspian post. i didn't even mention DANIEL LEE when i posted the mafu vid ok!

(speaking of which, daniel lee appears at 3.22 in the video. what?? just sayin', nothing more to it!)

*cough* so anyway. to be fair, i decided to post some random pics of hot female celebs. random = simply cari and grab whatever first appears.

eh sorry forgot she's damn passe already.
and pregnant. or dah pop out baby? do you even care?

now this is more like it. epitome of sexiness.
what la these two poses damn alike.

if you like petite and hot.

if you like your tennis players.
i still think anna kournikova's hotter.

if you like killer curves.

if you like big natural breasts.

if you like well-placed ipods.

if you like... uhh...
*distracted* DAMN she's hot.

what, she's my favourite angel.

[edit]

if you like alyssa milano like kevin hui does.

if you like hannah tan like sam does
(so typical of him! =p)

if you like kate beckinsale like yu ming does

[/edit]

and then there are girls like this one...

if you like disney girls gone bad wth.

though personally i never thought there was anything wrong with the pic. why the all the hooha at that time, people?

anyway don't hound me if your favourite hottie isn't here. i did say random. oh, and before i finish off here, just one more pic for old times' sake...

wahaha! sorry couldn't help myself.
old school daniel lee =D

=)

2008-06-04T00:29:00.002+08:00

me smiley.

narnia: prince caspian

2008-05-29T22:17:00.012+08:00

ever since i first saw the poster... last year? i was wondering if prince caspian would look as hot in the movie as he does in the movie poster. damn yeng wey the poster!

so yeah. i watched the movie because...

of him!

damn yeng! =D

knight in not-so-shining armour, the way i like it! >=D
what, armour too shiny quite gay la right.
not shiny = rough and manly wth.

okay moving on to non-prince-caspian pics... meaning pics of the actor himself =D

omg damn cute damn cute!

i like it when the actor looks good/better than character played. i mean, no disappointment like what you get from viggo mortensen. viggo mortensen < aragorn. very sad.

oh, erm yeah! the movie! what, you thought this was gonna be a review? ya la review, review on ben barnes. *cough*

ok ok fine, obligatory few words on the movie - passable, not too sucky, can go watch.

... what i mean is (obligatory elaboration sial), it's definitely better than the first movie, which i thought kinda sucked eg the white witch was damn ridiculous. this one has better scenes... but some may find parts of the movie boring. just mentioning.

two parts reminded me a lot of lotr. trees and water. hmm. no la not spoilers, all i said was trees and water.

now back to prince caspian =D erm ben barnes. geez i'm so superficial, not even chucking out a few sentence on the lessons learned eg moral of the story of prince caspian. ok la so the lion muncul at last and saved the day. if you don't want to see lion you won't see lion, but if you believe lion exist you can seEeEEEe the lion. sounds as if it defeats some sense of logic, but there you go.

oh, and lion roars at you if you did not believe in lion prior to appearance of said lion.

i'm kidding la. but that's really what happened in the movie.

now. can we get back to ben barnes? yes? thank you.

ooo, brooding. yum.

a younger him looking kinda... pretty boy.

and a more recent pic of him, also looking like a pretty boy.

ok fine, i like pretty boys. there you have it. *cough*

still alive

2008-05-27T00:20:00.005+08:00

not that anyone's smugly proclaiming that my blog is dead... but, erm, i myself wanna terasa la. cannot ah.

anyway, i know i'm damn late at posting this la ~~but it shall work as a filler post for now~~. those who listen to local radio often should've caught this many times already?

here in my home - malaysian artistes for unity (mafu)

thoughts?

(i personally like the beginning bit of the song. song didn't hit me the first time i heard it, but it's growing on me. kinda.)

i spied...

2008-05-11T23:42:00.001+08:00

a cute guy the other day. haha.

ok, so on that particular day, i left work kinda later than usual. it was past the peak hour, when the ktm would be so packed with people, i don't have to hold on to anything cos i'll be supported by all the bodies pressing against mine. just that i have to put up with the odd elbow at my left boob (i'm obviously, not very tall), or some unidentified thingy pressing up one of my butt cheek. no, i don't want to think about it.

well anyway, on that day it was past peak hour, and there were quite a pleasing number of empty seats in the train when i got on. i plonked myself down some random seat, feeling happy as a clam (why a clam, though? are clams happy creatures? do they smile?).

and sitting right across me was this cute guy. hee. what, he really was cute la or i wouldn't be blogging bout him. could tell he was tall, had a pretty good build, as in just nice - not skinny, and not too beefy. now, before you all start lambasting me for being superficial, i was noT being superficial okayyy! see, he was READING A BOOK. hah, points goes to him for being intellectual. and judging from the earphones plugged in his ears, he's a music lover. more points scored =D

(but maybe he's not so rich hor, cos he's taking the ktm and not driving. tsk. and no, i'm noT superficial wth.)

so i was just idly glancing across every now and then. well not like i could help it la, he was directly in front of me. i could vaguely make out the title of his book "how to succeed", with "succeed" being partially hidden. mmm, an up and coming entrepreneur, by the looks of it. pretty impressive.

and then, he sorta shifted in his seat a little, moving the book a little higher. that was when i saw the full title...

noooooo. seriously?! dude, reading a handbook on how to succeed with women? i don't know, but i nearly laughed out loud when i saw the full title. barely managed to suppress a snort. it's just so unbecoming of the whole image of him that was forming in my mind. okay la to be fair, maybe he's already a charmer, just building up on what he has. if not, then maybe in due time he'll be some charmer. or something.

the whole self-help book on women is just so wrong laaa. i mean, him reading it. makes me kinda imagine that he's all cute, but really sucks e.g. using lame pick-up lines etc.

eurgh.

but hey guess what, apparently they also have this:

awesome! i should get me one of those. what? i won't read it on the train, so there.

erm, hello everyone

2008-05-05T23:56:00.000+08:00

how's everyone doing? great? i'm doing fine! and my blog may be dead, but it's not as dead as jing's!

okay end of obligatory update post bye bye.

......

alright la, i'll get into some egocentric musings and updates mmkay. pretty much point-form bullet-styled, err just without the bullets wth. okay fine, bite-sized updates then, if that makes more sense.

for those not in the know, i'm now into my second week of internship =) there, now don't tell me i don't update you people on what's going on in my life. *cough* anyway, things aren't looking too bad judging from the first week, so yeah, i hope i'll learn a lot. counting the weeks down, as i happen to be an amazingly lazy bugger, one who struggles if she has to wake up before noon. gyah cannot imagine 9 to 5 job in the future la. flexi hours for me pleaaaase =(

on a different note, i'm kinda hoping to use this couple of weeks (before next sem starts), to figure what topic i wanna do for my final year paper, and get a head-start in literature gathering. how ah how ah. do research on children? teenagers? old people, i can just steal respondents from the institute HAHAHA ok not funny. erm.

oh random - isaac just got his head shaved so now he looks so stupid and funny! HAHAHA. gosh i'm such an evil aunty. wakakaka. oh oh and he's now finally able to walk a couple of steady steps! so cute. just wanna squish the little fella. XD

okay enough gushing over baby. or i won't stop. hee.

by the way does anyone else like the juno soundtrack? =) i've been pretty deprived of musiC for quite a bit. pc speakers suck, car radio's suck even more, and i don't like deleting songs off my mp3 player to make way for songs i wanna check out =\ yes i have this whole bunch of songs i wanna check out, and they're just festering there. *cough* anyhoo, juno's soundtrack is nicee but after a bit i kinda want to hear some drums. guitar riffs. i think i want some power pop!

sigh, and i wanna go on a road trip. i want a holiday la. a decent stretch of time where i can just... think. and figure things out. and yes i know i'm blogging all this out really randomly - i did say it'll be ~~point-form~~ bite-sized. which equals to random.

i've just been having so many thoughts occupying my mind, that i have to keep pushing back because i can't afford to dig deeper when i have things that need to be done.

from post secret

so, would you? take that leap of faith with me?

i...

2008-04-09T00:44:00.000+08:00

don't want to think about it.

isaac boy =)

2008-04-07T22:15:00.005+08:00

well, apparently sis only uploaded selected birthday-related pics of isaac's into the pc, and hoarded the rest in her external hard drive. tsk.

anyhow, cute pics cute pics! =D

isaac had TWO birthday cakes. one for the big birthday party and one for our own family punya little celebration.

birthday party cake. those thingies are BEES.
the biggest bee looks super retarded wey.
but cake was nice. *cough*

isaac frowning at the ugly big bee
while his mother blows the candle for him.

piggy birthday cake!
for our own family private celebration.

isaac dunno how to look at camera.
seconds later his hands flew as fast as lightning to grab at the cake.
then he started to cry cos he didn't like pink icing on his fingers -_-"

my parents look as happy, if not happier, than isaac.
bright pink pigs make people happy!

isaac smileeeee~ =D
that's the smile la that always wins us over.

isaac: *happy* *gigit jejari*

his hoard of presents from family, friends (of parents) and relatives.
giler banyakkkk.

happy with one of his present.

*GIGIT*

extremely pleased that his toy bus is very nice to bite.

MUST... GIGIT!!

hahaha he looks so funny here la!
isaac is teething, people. =B

okay end, malas nak blog lagi. =P

a post of all sorts. kinda.

2008-03-28T01:35:00.005+08:00

okay la owing to my procrastinating nature and also that i've been busy as fuck for the past few weeks, i've failed to put up a birthday post for isaac's first birthday.

i suck.

oh oh but i had a pretty good birthday - i have great friends, and i'm very thankful. so thanks, you guys. you know who you are. =)

and yeah isaac's birthday post errr coming soon, maybe. when i get hold of the pictures. very cute =)

anyway!

finally assignments are all done, though not quite yet dusted. er, wth i don't know what that meant, don't ask me. ya so don't feel bad if i ignored you over msn or something. busy mode = busy. for some reason, this sem has been THE killer sem, so far la. two more (smaller) hurdles next week and it'll finally, finally be over.

well, there's still finals, but a short breather is better than no breather. -_-"

i've been feeling so lazy, it's appalling. i have work to do, but... damn lazy la wey. i seriously just wanna bum around for a bit. gosh what is wrong with me, i'm supposed to be young, vibrant, and full of energy! yet i wanna bum around. goodness. appalling, i tell you.

speaking of appalling. omg there's this stupid psycho bitch from hell, she's so delusional and stupid she can go kill herself for all anyone cares la. am i evil for feeling DAMN tempted in retorting "go la go die la" when i knew of her saying she wants to kill herself? well no, that doesn't make me evil. cos i already said those words out loud. ya good riddance.

oh wait on second thought that's not very nice. impossible as it may seem, there are probably people who love her and thus will be sad.

so i should add "and may no one feel sad".

what. she really is a psycho delusional bitch la. and a stupid one at that. her stupidity knows no bounds. it's fine if she psycho all by herself, but it bloody disrupts the peace of so many people.

ah, leganya get to bitch a bit about the silly creature.

ok la end mini bitching session wth. no fun bitching when so much stuff are p&c and no one here to sama-sama bitch with!

......

anyway, on an unrelated matter. the attack of the jinx is inevitable. avoidance phase (it's gotta be a phase!). what, defense mechanism la. maybe cos this time is not right either. i... hope not? actually i hope so. but not really. don't mind me, someone once told me i'm a contradicting girl.

as for my, er, search for answers. been looking at things from different perspectives lately. neither has triumphed, but as i get more answers, more questions arise. i can't help but half-wish for an easy way out, that things are laid out in concrete. unless i don't realise that they are laid out in concrete. i feel like saying, oh really, then show me. cos by right, it shouldn't be a problem, no? see la i knew it, as i get deeper, my argument will get more personal.

open mind, open mind.

btw my favourite idol for this season is david cook. he's bloody awesome.

and yeah this post has been incredibly self-indulgent, i know. here's a pat for getting this far. *pats*

F.T. Island in Malaysia!

2008-03-14T00:31:00.002+08:00

Calling out to all fans of Korean music! F.T. Island will be coming here this 30th of March!

F.T. Island are quite new, they've only just debuted their album last year. And this debut album did pretty well - sixth best-selling album of 2007 in South Korea. F.T. Island's sound is pop-rock if I'm not mistaken. These guys are pretty talented, pretty decent at playing instruments, good vocalists, etc. Plus they're... um, kinda cute. In all their young boyish glory kind of cute.

see, young boyish cute.
L-R:Lee JaeJin (16, bass), ChoiMin Hwan (15, drum), Choi JongHun (17, guitar & piano), Lee HongGi (17, vocal) and Oh Won Bin (17, guitar & vocal)

(Copied that off from reb who also blogged bout them, heh.)

HongGi and WonBin

A video of them performing live -
it gets more kick-ass at the end, which I kinda prefer.

And one more video of them greeting us people in Malaysia.
Haha, they're so kiddy, it's cute.

Extra info can be found at the organizer's website C.I. Entertainment and also at k-popped. I have it that it'll be a fun concert and that the view would be really good, even with the cheaper tickets. And F.T. Island is potentially gonna be the next big thing, so don't miss their very first concert in Malaysia!

(Sorry, can't help it if I sound super promotional here =p)

walk out to the streets without fear

2008-03-11T00:24:00.004+08:00

cos this time around, perhaps the fear is unfounded. ya la, the "titik hitam dalam sejarah malaysia" incident that has been bandied around so often, to silence opinions on "sensitive issues", threaten us, or to garner votes during the elections (HAH didnt work now, DID IT).

things are different now =)

a good friend of mine sent me an email containing an article on this matter, which i would like to post. so here it is, fully copy pasted (geez, aren't we all local uni students damn PRO at this). written by someone with the pen name of Asparagus Alfalfa (so cute name =p).

Fellow Malaysians: 1969? Pffft..!

By Asparagus Alfalfa

Like in the Harry Potter series, where the monster's name is always referred as 'He who should not be named', it has been looming, like dark clouds above our head, ever threatening - the number 1969 as the 'Year that shall not be mentioned'. C'mon folks, this is the sole reason why the racial card is still playable- the constant broken recorder-like repetitive threat of them who played the racial card, saying that '1969 will happen again if this, this or this be done, revised, changed, questioned'. Here is a few reasons why I think 1969 is so obsolete, sooo in the past, and not worth mentioning at all unless you are a nostalgic racist slasher: Dude, you're alone.

I say, ignore that thought. Fear has been used by those in power to control commoners like you and me. Just like how the Bush administration used it to win the second term. The proof has been evident: the guy in power who threaten in 1987 to bathe his keris with Chinese blood and the recent younger keris wielding hopefuls in the local KKK assembly. They reinstate and keep the fear constant and of course, it backlashed. Believing what they telling and further occupying our mind with that would only contribute to their successful use of the four lettered f-word. Why do we even bother?

Cliché: the only thing that is constant is the change. Societies evolve. Surely you understand that things weren't like how it used to be. The lives of people of different races are so deeply entwined it is, I must say, very hard to imagine your Chinese officemate start to stab you with a sharpened steelpipe, or the Malay nasi lemak seller refuse to sell you her sambalicious nasi lemak because you Chineses have no right to enjoy a good breakfast. We have so many countless interracial marriage now- it is just futile to define yourself in any racial way. If people in such solidarity could change the whole state majority, I have no doubt that small threats like this could be handled well.

Go out. Live your life as you have always lived. We have so many news portal, blogs and opinions around the Internet to provide us with sufficient alternative info and ideas around. You have worked so hard (through the 'democratic' ballot box) to make the changes and succeeded- don't stunt the growth of the new era that all of us have been hoping for (and to provide reason for those shit-stirrers to accuse that shit happens when you vote for opposition). Racial/religion card is obsolete and can never be played again- just looked at how PAS has dropped the Islamic state from her manifesto and how subsequently, they have been 'blessed' with non-Muslim's vote. The winnings have been so beautiful, I metaphorically cried in joy.

I was worried at first- but come on- we have changed the ruling party for the WHOLE state- not just pinching one or two seats like we pathetically used to. Talk to people- assure them that 1969 would NOT happen- we are in the danger of self-fulfilling prophesy if we think that it would. Shut off your television, fold your newspaper and turn on your computers! May there be more thought-provoking movies be screened, may there be no more threat to organize gigs, may there be more public gatherings of concerned citizens, may there be more allocation for press freedom and free speech, less corrupted cops, less racist manifestos, more attention and aid to the marginalized people and a better judiciary system.

It starts with you walking out to the street. Today.

Good luck Malaysia.

wind of change

2008-03-09T02:54:00.002+08:00

wow, what a night it has been.

having problems with blogger right now so i shall elaborate more when blogger's less temperamental.

but, wow, seriously. 2/3 majority denied? can this be true?

[edit]results still not fully out yet. but from what has been reported so far, drama betul ok. i mean, i figured BN wouldnt exactly sail through this year's election, but this is kinda unexpected.

you know, it's got me thinking. i know there are people out there who don't vote/register, for different reasons, some of which i can empathise with (i'm kinda of the opinion that you either vote for the right reason, or don't vote. meaning don't misuse your rights la).

but for those who don't vote because they claim it won't make a difference, i think this year's election results is a pretty good illustration on how "every vote counts".

and that applies to every election, okay? just that this year's one really drives home the point. quite a few very slim margins in number of votes as well.

also, let's hope that this change is for the better. it still remains to be seen, and we all hope that those who take on the responsibility will prove us right - that the rakyat made the right choice.

anyway, no matter what the final result will be: people, don't riot ah -_-" whether in glee or in sore defeat. let's all be civilised and diplomatic. ok? ok.

=)

sila pangkah

2008-03-03T18:11:00.007+08:00

kennysia.com has this awesome Who-To-Vote-This-Election Decision Generator! haha but more on that later.

quite a number of people have been asking who i'll be voting for this coming saturday. i either reply that i'm still weighing my options (what, nothing wrong with taking a longer time to decide), or i joke that i'll chuck in an undi rosak. you know, maybe draw a nice nike-style tick instead of an "X". or a smiley face. geez, i'm so juvenile.

there's a reason why i'm not a hundred percent enthusiastic over who to vote for. i guess if push come to shove, then yes, i have sorta made up my mind.

(push come to shove = on saturday when i'm finally at the booth)

but if i were still confused, not to fear, kennysia.com has the Who-To-Vote-This-Election Decision Generator, which could actually have some element of accuracy. what, it was accurate for me mah. =p

ask what ask, votes are supposed to be confidential ok *cough* yeah anyway i asked my parents who will they be voting for and haha, i'm quite amused with their different point of views.

anyway, you can't blame people (like me) who get a little confused. nevermind the sweet-talking, so manyyy flags and buntings and banners and posters so colourful so dizzying so distractinggg. eh you know, my friend nearly crashed into another car today cos she was too busy admiring some dap candidate punya poster, which apparently is some pretty chick. right.

too confused? watch this clip and be enlightened!

i shall end this post with some, uh, patriotism. a video. got pretty girl! i wonder how many of us are already damn sick of this ad (i'm not even gonna include other ads ok, too many). this one in particular annoys the hell out of me la every time i ter-mouse-over the thing when i sign into my hotmail.

BN testimonials from... hmm, you know,
nice regular Msian citizens who look professional and well-informed

"basically, you're... you're allowed to be yourself."

vote for MALAYSIA.

i'm not even gonna go into the whole "there's no point of voting cos it won't make a difference" when what's more pressing is that it's hard to follow the adage to "make the right choice", when the choices one is looking at just don't make it to the mark.

p.s. on a totally unrelated note: i need a decent internship. PRONTO!!!

toto concert

2008-02-25T20:36:00.005+08:00

not that toto, this toto la. as in the band.

i'm pretty sure even if the band's name doesn't ring a bell, most of u have probably heard their songs somehow. pretty decent airplay wan.

rosanna, one of their biggest hits.

gosh, i just love old school videos wey. the hair, the sunglasses, the dancing, the smoky effect thingy.

i'll be over you. another toto classic.

yes la they're, um, older. haha, the videos super old school la! i kinda like their songs, here and there. anyway i can't go to their concert, which is on 15th march. isaac's birthday bash on that day. hee, one year old edi =D

and i'll end this with one of my personal favourite toto song, africa. one of jojo's song borrowed a bit from this song. forgot what jojo song edi la, some forgettable stuff la.

i bless the rains down in africaaa~

Message from Jon Foremannn

2008-02-23T16:03:00.003+08:00

haha alright, my last post on switchfoot kl concert, ok?

Message from Jon Foreman:

"It was an honor to play in malaysia, an honor that most american rock bands never get to do. Thanks to everyone who brought us over, and to the folks who came out to the show: thank you for singing along. We felt like old friends from the first song on."

from onearmed.net. speaking of which, kudos to the organizers and all who worked in bringing switchfoot over =)

ahh

2008-02-17T03:46:00.005+08:00

i can't say it, cos i might just jinx it! and i shouldn't think too much about it, cos i might jinx it that way too.

the fact that i realise it might even jinx it howww la nowwwww *insert crying emoticon like this one - T_T

i'm not paranoid. things like this always get jinxed for me.

jinxy jinx.

tukarkaki punya setlist

2008-02-10T16:52:00.000+08:00

okay, i tried my best to recall the correct order of the songs that switchfoot did in kl the other day:

1. oh! gravity
with a brief intro of meant to live before kicking off with this song. obviously succeeded in working the crowd to a frenzy!

2. stars
when i look at the staaaa~aaa~aaars~! jing's not-so-favourite song hehe. but it's awesome when performed live! c'mon jing, admit it! nyahaha.

3. politicians
at this song, i was seriously already super hyped up from gravity and stars. "come on and break me~!!"

4. this is your life
are you who you wanna be~?

5. lonely nation
woo-hoo! one of my favourite songs! first and second verses were switched in the performance.

6. we are one tonight
and indeed we were one that night! haha ok sorry sorry, very lame cliche. they did a part of shadow proves the sunshine as the bridge. niCe.

7. only hope
time to slow down a little. one of my "sangat suka" songs. was good cos it was definitely one of the more familiar songs for the crowd, and the reception was awesome.

8. learning to breathe
not exactly my mostest favouritest song, but personal preference la ya. might be nice if it was performed all stripped down and acoustic though.

9. gone
they opened this song with beyonce's crazy in love as intro. haha i was kinda "no wayyyyy" but then they delved into gone and all was good. not that their cover of crazy in love isn't kick-ass ah, go check it out. oooh, and this song is when jon foreman snuck in "ella ella". i haD to laugh la! waha.
the full rocking gone.

10. american dream
the statue song! *cough* i mean, mid-song was when they all froze, in pretty impressive poses too i must say. froze for bout 1-2 minutes, before resuming the song with a bang, in perfect coordination. and if that doesn't rock your socks, i don't know what will.

11. dirty second hands
another song that sounds awesome when performed live. i think i did quite a bit of head-banging for this song. -_-"

12. on fire
ON FIRE! definitely one of my top switchfoot songs! they did the chorus high and dry mid-song - it fitted perfectly.

13. awakening
YEAAA-EEEAAAAH~! i just love this song! for some reason it's now the song that i associate with the concert. it's thE switchfoot concert song for me =D

14. meant to live
another staple of switchfoot's setlists. sure perform wan. lack of comments here doesn't mean i didn't like the performance, cos it rocked! i mean, how can it not!

15. dare you to move
the encore - and the best song to end the concert with.

and okay, i had to be nosey and dig around for singapore's setlist (of which i haven't gotten around to asking stephen tan the wei shan).

and here it is, nicked off from mtv asia:

(jo ann, in case you don't know yet, don't cry ya. i think i did.)

Oh! Gravity.
Stars
This Is Your Life
Ammunition
We Are One Tonight
Only Hope
Learning to Breathe
Chem 6A
Gone
American Dream
Dirty Second Hands
On Fire
Awakening
Meant To Live

Encore:
Twenty-Four
Dare You To Move

there. the setlist. the beautiful setlist.

can you believe it, they did Chem 6A off their legend of chin! CHEM 6A okayyy! how can that not be awesome???

and. and and. and and and...

ok la i should't be harping on this anymore la.

but i still wanna harp on it.

copypasted off mtv asia again:

"And the most beautiful and gorgeous moment was undeniably the encore where Jon came out alone and belted out the brooding "Twenty-Four" on his acoustic guitar."

wey don't la. everytime i read that i feel damn sad edi. that is exactly what i've always dreamed of whenever i listen to twenty four ok. jon foreman performing it solo and acoustic, cos the song would sound just so beautiful that way.

step, u gotta tell me how that performance was ok! ='(

so, the moral of the story is...

go to every switchfoot concert that you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

siao. haha. but eh, they'll be touring US next month onwards, with ATHLETE.

ATHLETE.

geez, those US people really have it good.

anyway, to end on a happy note =)

i know la my switchfoot posts all super wordy no pics, very sad case. but check out the awesome (seriously good) pics at CreativeClicks (yeah, the one that does good wedding pics).

really good shot. jon foreman rocking it.

and also switchfoot.com and their daily foot. they liked kuala lumpur! hehe. of course la, the crowd was super awesome. =D

so yeah, happy note. and i think i shall end it here on the switchfoot concert. =)

p.s. just wondering, anyone going for explosions in the sky?

copypaste

2008-02-09T02:12:00.000+08:00

i just don't friggin get it. WHY is it that some people just like to totally copypaste whole chunks of paragraphs or sometimes even the whole bloody article? you think lecturer stupid ah?! ok well yeah some may be a little less smarter than others, but that's another story. wanna copypaste also do so a little more intelligently can or not. rephrasing the sentences very hard la now. why la WHY WHY WHY must copypaste until bulat-bulat??? got sense of accomplishment meh?!

i think i've just been too pampered cos i'm used to working with my friends who don't do such blatantly stupid things.

whyyyy la, seriously. makes me feel like disabling their copy paste function.

patience. everyone has some good in them. everyone has some intelligence in them. everyone has some common sense in them.

......

okay anyway apart from that, um. i'm usually not so irritable la (irritable cos jialin said i was). or emo. just happens that my blog gets the brunt of my rantings, so yeah. why am i even clarifying myself on my own blog.

i tell u happy happy stuff that's happening ok! i'm bogged down by assign... um, ok that's not very happy. then kev and xin's flying back to aus, also not very happy clappy. i think kor's prolly gonna fly back to sabah before i get to see him. and... yuen as well, flying back to sarawak. what la u all, tak han mou yeh jou wanna fly here fly there T_T

i'm basically happy la (why is this sounding more and more like me trying to convince myself?). i am a... somewhat happy girl!

yeah.

... feel like drawing. it's been a long while.

Short break

2008-02-08T16:56:00.000+08:00

What, I'm not procrastinating okay. I'm really doing my work! And when extreme sien-ness takes place, I do stuff like stress tests and such.

Your Perceived Stress Score

Your score: 21

Compare your score to the “Average” scores below. You may compare against people of your age or your gender. If you are more than six points above the “average” than you probably have a medium-high amount of stress, and if you are six points below than you are relatively stress free. If you are 12 points above the noted average score, than you likely are experiencing significantly high amounts of stress and may be endangering your health.

So let's take group age 18 - 29 years, and the average score is 14.2.
Average score for females would be 13.7.

Gee, medium-high amount of stress is great.
Anyhoo, the scale's pretty decent. Yes it is, okay. Trust me wth.

(I'm really not procrastinating la, you think I play the scale for fun meh. Okay yeah, it was kinda for fun. Gosh I'm such a nerd.)

Free breast implants

2008-02-08T11:45:00.000+08:00

Check this out wey!

This website actually enables girls to get free breast implants. Guys check out the girl's profile, and um, donate to the cause. Once enough funds are pooled, the lucky girl can go and get herself a bigger set of boobs.

This is awesome, I'm signing up! Drop by and donate some monayyy to me, ok!

(Yeah, I'm so not kidding.)

you know

2008-02-06T17:49:00.000+08:00

i sometimes think back of the times we had.

they were awesome.

emo-ing aside, happy cny to all =)
cny eve dinner here i comeee~

AWAKENING!

2008-02-04T01:05:00.000+08:00

SWITCHFOOT WAS AWESOME!

They totally rocked la! Fantastic performers okay! I was super hyped! - screaming and jumping and singing along non-stop!! And the crowd was very energetic as well, so it added to the whole hype (maybe too energetic for some. Poor Jing and Stephanie, waha). I think Switchfoot maybe didn't really expect such crazy reception in Malaysia? Heh.

A bit sad they didn't sing my mostest favouritest song, but it's okay - the whole performance more than made up for it. I can remember the setlist, though not in perfect order (heh, shy). The performances that stood out for me (meaning personal preference la ya) were The Awakening (Yeaaaa-eeeaahhhhhhhh~!), Lonely Nation, We Are One Tonight, Gone, On Fire, Meant To Live, Dare You To Move... Okay why am I even making this list? I'll prolly just go on til I reach the full list!

They even did a bit of their version of Beyonce's Crazy in Love before launching into Gone. When the music started playing, my reaction was kinda "Oh c'mon! Seriously?!". (Switchfoot's is a pretty good cover though. Kinda better than Snow Patrol's cover IMO). And I just had to burst out laughing when Jon Foreman snuck in an "ella ella" in the song. He was super energetic throughout the concert, it was awesome!!

(Ok yes I know I'm not using a very wide range of vocab in this post but what the hey!)

Eh I wanna relive the experience again la!

bus crash no more

2008-02-02T00:53:00.000+08:00

I know this may come as a little late, it's regarding that Slim River Bus Crash that happened the other day. The Star's report here on one of the three victims - Lee Nian Ning.

The bus driver had 13 summonses. THIRTEEN. FREAKING. SUMMONSES.

What the heck was he doing behind the wheel, with so many people's lives in his hands?! Wasn't there some hoo-ha over reckless bus drivers a while back?? Whatever happened to looking into the matter and resolving the issue?!

This is ridiculous. Yes I know accidents happen, but it's not all the time they're unavoidable. That driver shouldn't have been allowed to drive in the first place - that would probably have made a difference.

Reading the report on Lee Nian Ning the other day saddened me, and it also hit me that it could have been any of my friends who travel to and fro from uni to their hometowns by bus quite often. *knock on wood*

Yet the whole reckless bus drivers issue doesn't seem to be getting anywhere near dibendung. A petition has been set up - buscrashnomore, so do go over and have a look. Something has to be done, we need to make this heard.